Holds, hugs, and embraces

In my path of tango learning, one of the things that I've had to evolve (over the years) was my embrace. In my opinion, it's the initial point of establishing connection with my partner. It is also the point of maintaining flow and energy throughout the tanda. Failure of maintaining a good embrace would (IMHO) tend to jeopardize a whole evening of tango...


A "Hold"
Having started partner dancing in ballroom, I was taught the most basic method of connection—The hold. There was the open hold, where you just held the hands of your partner (e.g. used in a swing). I was also taught the closed hold, where there are three points of contact. The left hand, the right arm, and the eyes (reverse for the woman). Depending on the dance, there was contact at the hips (e.g. Viennese Waltz), no big deal.

The hold was perfect for the ballroom world. Large square frame, big bold moves, precise, technical, and mechanical.


A "Hug"
Having left the ballroom world to transition to Argentine tango, I discovered that the ballroom hold didn't quite work for tango. Studying tango in open embrace (at the time) I had assumed that a ballroom frame and hold would be apropos. Seeing myself in a video caused me much consternation! What I had thought was right, actually looked quite goofy.

I needed to adapt and change my embrace to be more appropriate for the fluidity of tango. Relaxing my shoulders, dropping my elbows, and relaxing my spine, and lowering my chin caused my tango to look like... a tango.

I thought that I was in a good place with my tango. I knew my steps, patterns and could lead my partner with my arms. Holding my partner closer than being in a ballroom hold, I was leery of the closeness. I came up with a compromise. My hold was close enough to lead tango moves, and open enough to avoid the intimacy that tango supposedly created. I had shifted from a hold to a hug.


An "Embrace"
One day, I discovered the holy grail of tango—Close embrace (i.g. Milonguero) . It was the style that created that "Tango magic." It was tango at it's purest essence. It was elegant, simple to look at, yet so beautiful in it's lack of flash.

I did not realize how complicated this "Simplicity" could be. I had two things to deal with in dancing in close embrace.

• Technical
• The mechanics of learning how to execute tango in close embrace when you and your partner are totally connected and creating a common axis, while still being able to move fluidly in very confined spaces.
• Sociological
• This was a personal problem as I discovered that I had to dance with complete strangers. It was to close within my comfort zone. Dancing in close embrace was exactly that. Really, really close. I yelled within my mind... "These are not my wife's boobs!" 

I got over the technical issues via a combination of learning, practice, feedback, and determination. I got over my sociological issues with dancing chest-to-chest with my partner when I realized that being in this predicament only became malicious if I made it so. I developed a deep respect for my partner, knowing that the dance really was done this way. The more I danced, the more comfortable and natural things became.

Overcoming these two issues played a lot into the my latest evolution of contact with my partner. I was now embracing her. It was no longer a cold mechanical hold. Nor was it a friendly hug. It is a comfortable, trusting, loving and caring embrace.

I hold not too tight, and not to light. I protect her and keep her safe. I lead her within my embrace. As we dance in an embrace, each tanda becomes a fun, kind, playful, passionate, beautiful, and magical tango experience.



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Navigation... Where it all comes together

When I first saw a tango floor a few years ago, I thought (as many non-tango people thought) that it was a simple dance as there was not much going on. I was so wrong.

Is there anything easy in learning Argentine Tango? It seems that things get progressively harder the more I learn, with milonga navigation being one of the biggest struggles I've had to deal with.

I've found that as a leader (in tango), this is where my brain blows up on the dance floor. Why? You have to lead your partner well (which is a lot to think of), dance well (yourself), keep  your partner safe, pay close attention to your environment, anticipate the moves of those around you, dance with (acceptable) musicality—Simultaneously MOVING across the floor in erratic heavy dance traffic!

Practice and perseverance have helped me to cope over the years. The following are what I think (I need) to take into consideration while leading my partner though the controlled chaos of a crowded milonga floor...

• Going with the  ebbs and surges of flow

When I merge onto a milonga floor, the flow does not stay consistent. Depending on what the dancers on the floor do, the flow may ebb into a barely moving mass. Or, turn into a surge moving away and leaving me behind, which forces me to keep up the pace... only to be stopped by another ebb in flow.

This constant shifting of flow on the floor is something a leader must deal with constantly. It's not so bad when the milonga is sparsely attended, a leader will have floor space and is forgiving of mistakes. The challenge happens when I dance in a pack, much like being caught in a very tight cycling peloton where I have to be able to bring to bear, all skills and be flexible in dealing with this conundrum.

• My partner needs to be able to trust me... Implicitly!

I dance for my partner. I try to make her look good and feel good. She needs to trust me without question, otherwise that supernatural "Tango enchantment" will not happen.

In order to achieve this level of trust, I try not get carried away and get lost in my own dance that I lose touch of the environment around me. I keep my partner away from the couple using the flailing tango stiletto heels of death. I try to keep her safe from being slashed, stepped on, kicked, cut, and impaled.

I don't use my partner as a battering ram by NOT running her into chairs, tables, walls, posts, and other people.

• Giros, molinetes, check steps, rock steps, etceteras

Remember all of that stuff your teachers taught you in tango class? Notably, figures like giros, molinetes, check steps, ocho cortados, rock steps, and other related "stationary-possible" moves.

I talked about "Ebbs" in traffic flow. When this happens, what do you do? You stall, but, gracefully keep moving in place. You don't want to just stop, rather, you need to keep you and your partner moving   in poetic motion. This is a good time to use your "Figures."

• Respect space, dance small

I respect my space, and the space of others. Its a common courtesy. I learned to dance in as small a space as possible. That way, when I find myself in a tightly packed floor, I can dance a small yet intensely beautiful tango—At least, I try.

I was taught that one should learn to tango in a space (roughly) 4 ft long by 4 ft wide—The size of 4 large floor tiles. Dancing this small also gives me the ability to keep my partner safe from the following:

• Overtakers and speeders
• Those who are in such a hurry that they feel compelled to overtake everyone in their way (*Cough* I USED to be a perpetrator... Apologies)
• Lane-cutters
• Those who suddenly cut in front of people (related to the over-taker)
• Tailgaters
• Those who follow so closely behind other couples (I'm occasionally guilty of this... Sorry)
• Windbags
• Those who engage in A LOT of trivial talking BEFORE they start dancing. Thus, (inconsiderately) blocking all dance traffic behind them causing a traffic jam.
• BIG move dancers
• Those who dance big (which is not a problem on a sparse floor) and insist on doing so when the floor is very crowded

• I try to dance as smooth as possible

Its easy to march, stomp, and lumber along like an elephant. It's easy to bounce up and down like a ball. All of which makes for an unpleasant experience for my partner.

Being smooth was very difficult for me as it required me to learn to walk by adjusting my gait and how I landed and rolled my feet. I practiced walking in front of the mirror. I (briefly) did the book atop the head thing. I tried to be elegant and smooth, yet still dance manly. Oh, and I had to do all of that with a partner in close embrace... I'm still trying.

The Lynch pin—bringing it all together

So, after learning a lot of the nuances of tango and (trying) to make it special for my partner, it all comes together in moving across the dance floor in a crowded and packed milonga. It's a lot to think of, plan, and execute. It requires A LOT of concentration and care.

There was no easy way to do it, and required copious amounts of practice. In the end it pays off when you get it right.

The intricacy of simplicity

In my post entitled, "Meanderings through tango music," I talked about my transition of musical preferences from nuevo style tango music to traditional tango renditions. Along with that change in taste in music, came a change in my dance style. The evolution of my tango style went from preferring dancing in open embrace to eventually concentrating on the close embrace exclusively.


This is a narrative of that journey...

The first lessons...

Coming from a ballroom background, I was comfortable with a tango open embrace. A ballroom close embrace is an open embrace in tango. That was an easy enough adaptation. Overlay that with the 8-count basic, and step variations, I thought I was golden. Little did I know that this was just my (Sony Newman) teacher's way of easing students in.

It got complicated really fast. Along with the steps, my teacher incorporated basic balancing and walking exercises that were in reality, exercises in technique —I ignored them thinking that they were only there to occupy time. He was a perfectionist. At 75 (at the time) , he was quite feisty. His lessons frustrated me and made my brain ache.

I eventually caught up with the learning curve and became proficient in open embrace tango (so I thought). I could do fancy stuff like leading over-extended front ochos, boleos, sacadas, calecitas, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I had a large répertoire of steps. I was ready to go to a milonga!

The first milongas...

Like many an arrogant newbie before me, I made a very painful and humbling self-discovery... A good student in tango class, does not a good tango dancer make. I knew all the steps, but I had the wrong frame of mind. I had the show dancer mentality. I was dancing for the adulation of the audience.

Up until then, I never really appreciated the music. I needed percussion, so I looked for nuevo music. That being said, the result was that I danced out of tune—My musicality sucked. Knowing this, I tried to get better, and struggled through the frustration and ill-perceived embarrassment. This was turning into a serious trampling to one's ego. In any case, I still loved it so much that I kept going.

I got incrementally better. I got smoother and smarter. I got more coordinated and less klutzy. Things were starting to come along. I was comfortable.

One night, my wife and I decided to investigate a different milonga and a funny thing happened that night. I asked a lady to dance and she was gracious enough to oblige me. Much to my surprise, her arm went all the way around my shoulder... Oh my! *GASP* I was enveloped in a close embrace!

I didn't know what to do and tried to control my panic and keep my composure. I couldn't move and my "stuff" was not going to work—No space. I walked the tanda and my poor partner suffered through my gawkiness.

So much for being ready. I sat out the night and watched. It turns out that the tango place we went to was a predominantly milonguero place. I saw dancers like these on my tango videos... The people I fast forwarded through because I thought they were boring.

My perspectives had suddenly and abruptly changed. I was terrified, but found it nice at the same time.

A new outlook about the tango embrace...

I told my teacher about my close embrace experience–He chuckled and explained that now, I was ready to try close embrace. I asked why he didn't teach that in the first place?

He wanted his students to experience the whole gamut of tango. His theory was that if one can dance in the open, then, one can dance in close. Simply reduce the size of what was taught, to an eighth of what it was. The tricky part is to now lead with only one's core and nothing more. He continues that once one is able to find the right mix of comfort level + expertise, one gravitates to only a few basic steps to do really, really well and just revisit the rest when the right partner comes along.

According to him, when I get to this point, is about the time I would realize that I don't need to take classes from him anymore. He smiled. He was right. I took it to heart, and eventually became acceptably competent tango dancer.

A very visceral connection...

The main difference between dancing open and close embrace was the level of connection. Dancing in the open was fun, fancy, and vigorous. Dancing in close embrace was intimate, internal, and a very visceral experience.

IMHE, when I was dancing in the open, I was concentrating on cool moves and leading them well. I was, a bit self absorbed, and I did it (really) to look good.

When I concentrated on dancing in close embrace, a different kind of magic happens. I am now dancing FOR my partner. She is the only one that matters during the tanda, I dance for her. It's all about her.

This was the one feeling I found to be so delightful. I knew I was doing a good thing because every now and then, I made someone truly happy, even for but a fleeting moment of a tanda. Every now and then, I could make the magic work.

Looks can be deceiving...

When I began tango a few years ago, I contrasted the two dichotomies. I reveled at the cool nuevo generation of tangueros. I thought the stuff that they did was marvelous. On the other hand, I glazed over the viejo. I thought they were slow, boring, and geriatric. What they did looked boring because they were just walking. "Anyone can do that," I said to myself.

When I experienced and learned close embrace, I realized that my previous opinion was so wrong. It is actually harder (for me) to dance close embrace because it is internal. It's all about the way it felt and not the way it looked. It requires more concentration. It requires more tuning into your partner. Leading used subtle muscular impulses, and used the whole body to transmit your lead messages to one's partner, almost like dance osmosis. Bizarre, beautiful.

The old cliché "looks can be deceiving," applies. When one dances in close embrace, there is so much going on between the partners. Only the acutely trained can see this interaction. It is in essence, a private conversation expressed in dance, using the tango dialect.

All of these complexities and nuances interact to produce an art form so intricate, yet so beautifully simple.